Thingamajugs

A billionaire venture capitalist started a company that specialized in the production of thingamajugs. The company grew quickly, and the bossman hired a president to oversee the operations so that he could retire to his beach home in Tahiti.

When the new president took control of operations, he felt it necessary to maximize his own profit, forgetting that bossman's primary concern was his own profit, which the bossman insisted come from the production of lots and lots of thingamajugs. But the new president thought the boss's system was kind of stupid because there were many ways to make profits without making more thingamajugs. So, instead of doing the work that he was hired to do (make thingamajugs), the new president focused upon building wealth for himself, reasoning that a boss who was too stupid to see how easy it is to make profits would be delighted at the profits he could easily make.

He said, "Bossman is in Tahiti, and he has left me here in charge of the company. I will reduce the wages of the laborers to create more profits, then I will keep the surplus profits for myself and pass on the normal profits to the bossman, and nobody will ever be the wiser."

The president grew wealthier by this scheme, and he reasoned to himself that there must be other ways to create more profits for himself. Besides, he wanted to retire a beach home he was creating for himself, too. So the president hired six managers to oversee the workers and build more profits. He said to his managers, "See to it that you maximize your profits. It doesn't matter whether or not we make more thingamajugs as long as we continue to increase profits. Devise any way you can, and I will share with you a portion of the profits."

The first manager looked at the thingamajug designed by the billionaire bossman and reasoned that profits could be increased by making new and improved thingamajugs from cheaper materials.

Though the hourly wage of labors were set by law, the second manager reasoned that the hours of the laborers could be reduced by one-eighth. Still, he demanded that the laborers continue to produce the same number of thingamajugs in their daily shifts if they wanted to keep their jobs.

The third manager saw that the company was spending a lot of money by giving free food to the laborers and demanded that the laborers to bring their own lunches with them to work.

The fourth manager questioned why the laborers were given a day of rest each week, so he created another day of work.

The fifth manager thought that the company was spending too much of their profits on heating and air-conditioning, so he instructed that the thermostat be set five degrees warmer in the summer and five degrees cooler in the winter.

The sixth manager, who was the smartest of all the managers, reasoned that he did not need to make any changes, but that he would take the bossman's profits and invest them in other companies, keeping the interest on the profits for himself.

After a time, bossman returned to the thingamajug factory to see how the things were going.

"Where is the president that I left in charge?" bossman asked.

"He is not here, bossman," replied one of the managers. "He has left us here to oversee your operations, and we have made many changes that we are sure will make you happy. Here, take these profits that we have made for you. See? We have made ourselves rich, but we still have made a profit for you, too."

The first manager said, "Look, bossman, I have made a better thingamajug. This one is cheaper and increases our profits!"

The second manager said, "Consider this, bossman, I have been strict in discipline, and your workers produce the same number of thingamajugs even though I have reduced their hours!"

The third manager said, "I have proved my worth, bossman, for there is no law that says we must spend our profits to feed our workers!"

The fourth manager said, "See how I have increased profits by adding 52 days of labor each year, bossman!"

The fifth manager said, "How much comfort do our laborers need, bossman? For I have made our company more profitable by cutting expenses!"

The sixth manager said, "I am better than all of these, bossman, for I have increased profits without making a single change!"

But bossman saw the wickedness of these managers and replied, "Who are you to keep profits for yourselves? Who has made you the lord of your wages. Now give me all that you have earned, and I will decide your reward."

To the first manager he said, "You are a worthless man. You have made thingamajugs in your own image, and they reflect your value. I created the thingamajug, and you have dishonored my reputation. You are fired this instant!  Be gone!"

To the second manager he said, "You who have disciplined my workers, learn discipline from me! A manager who treats his workers with contempt will be met with contempt, and you have raised my contempt! You are fired this instant. Be gone!"

To the third manager he said, "How is it that you set feasts upon your own table from the profits of my investment, but you starve the workers in my factory? Wicked man, you are fired this instant! Be gone!"

To the fourth manager he said, "Why is it that you rest and your laborers do not? Who are you to decide who sleeps and who does not? Take your rest from my presence this instant, and find sleep with no work to do in my company! Be gone!"

To the fifth manager he said, "Look, I am a mightier boss than you, and I find you too comfortable in my presence. I have made my dwelling comfortable, and my workers will work in comfort. Go from here this instant! You have no place in my company! Be gone!"

To the sixth manager he said, "You are most wicked of all, for you who has been hired to work have done no work at all. You have taken what is mine and risked to lose it. Who will pay for my losses? Will you recover my profits from thin air? Be gone, you wicked man!"

Finally, the bossman called for the president he had left in charge, and the president was brought before the bossman.

"You foolish man!" the bossman exclaimed. "Here I set you to watch over my thingamajug factory, and I left you to oversee the work that I began. Who are you to presume to know what I have wanted from you? Why did you think that you could conceal these profits from me? Did you think that I had raised you up and would not reward you from the profits of my company? But look, you have kept profits for yourself and you have not given them to me, to whom they belong. Did you start this company? Did you invent the thingamajug? And why have you robbed my laborers of the wages I promised them? Do you know me so well to know that I want only profits? Wicked fool, depart from me! You have taken what does not belong to you, and you have schemed with these six fools to rob both your bossman and his laborers! Here I am taking all of your profits and giving them to the laborers that I left under your charge. Let them be the judges of your fate!"