Conversation

How can I say this nicely? You are a fruitcake out to lunch. I have to tell you, you are not my best friend--you're not even in the top 1,000.

(How nice can a person be?)

I was thinking the other day that a friend is somebody you would tell anything to. It's true. I have people I like spending time with, but not you.

(Yes. You really should listen.)

Thomas Jefferson said that a friend is somebody you would lay your life down for. Will you be my friend?

(Nope. The circle is full.)

My friend George who commits fraud to get his cholesterol checked: He's my friend.

(It's important. I agree.)

But people don't really want to hear what you have to say, what your pain is. Go ahead: Pour your guts out. But he doesn't want to hear anything that you have to say.

(It's true.)