Oh mother, please don't yell, I tried so hard
To clean this filth myself, but I confess
No skill in keeping private parts unmarred,
And now I feel a shameful, wicked mess!
Fecal matter running down my legs,
Smeared on toilet seat, on walls, on door.
A clog of Charmin tissue stalls the dregs,
And soon a lake of shit will flood the floor!
I'd call for help, I need it, please don't cry!
Nor think to recall offal of your own,
Locked within the closets, bound in furls.
Please don't be angry: Know I tried to try
To clean my private foulness all alone,
And be your perfect, sanitary girl.
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