The Ass's Tale

The ass was an investment banker with connections. He wanted to change the rules so that the sows only got to keep two of her piglets instead of three that had been guaranteed to her grandmother under the Bartlett administration. The ass could only say that the rules had changed and that one more of her sons would be required to help keep the motors of government operating smoothly and efficiently.

Previously, the ass had worked for the Jewish Sanhedrin. He had been hired out by a small lobbying group who needed a rental for the day. Someone down in Livestock didn't check the paperwork very closely, so when Judas Iscariot came paying with a silver coin bearing the face-stamp of their beloved emperor, his suspicions were impossible to raise.

The problem with the ass is that he never took anyone's side too seriously, at least nobody's but his own, and once an ass stops taking sides, it's a helluvalot easier to see the other guy more clearly. The other problem is, the other guy is usually an ass, too. Then the ass has to make a decision: Do I stop being an ass because that way I get to win, or do I keep being an ass because I make a whole lot better one than that guy over there?

So, the ass just kept delivering messages from the gods to the people, peacefully satisfying them all in various denominations of ones and zeros.